My years of ministry in Master’s Commission had prepared me for whatever might come my way… or so I thought.  When I met Jim and fell in love with him and then married him shortly after, there were many challenges I had to face and overcome.  Some of the challenges had to do with who Jim was, what had happened to him, and Jim’s high-profile life.

I was instantly catapulted into the life of the famous, or in Jim’s case, infamous to many.  I had always had lots of friends but I also had a side of me that was private.  There were things that only God and I shared, some things that I shared with a few close companions, and some things I shared with family and friends.  But I had always been able to choose how much of my life I would broadcast and to whom.  That is, until I married Jim.  I found out very quickly that Jim’s method of “full disclosure” would be my best modus operandi.

I had known spiritual warfare in my life as a single woman in ministry, but I had to rise to another level when I married Jim.  Though Jim had humbly acknowledged his debt to society and subsequently paid for it, and had repented to the Lord and his fellow man, he was still reviled by many and when I married him, so was I.  They simply would not forgive him.  I’ve heard it said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die.  I can’t imagine why some would want to hold onto it.

But the very nature of who Jim was and what had taken place in his life factored into every aspect of our lives together.  Jim was a high-profile television preacher and teacher with a past.  I was a woman in ministry with a past.  I wanted him all to myself, and at times I just wanted to find some nice little cabin where we could live in peace until Jesus returns.  But I realized very soon that I would literally have to share him with the world.  Sometimes that’s very hard for me, especially when I want exclusive time or attention.

Not only do I have to share him with the world, but as odd as this might sound, I have to share him with our children and with himself.  Jim is a very strong entity with an overwhelming passion to be faithful to the gifts and callings the Lord has placed on his life.  He couldn’t change who he is if he wanted to – and I wouldn’t ask that of him.  So, prioritization was the order of the day and still is.

I found out very soon that my needs and wants often have to be submitted to that calling – and my own.  We have never been confused about the order of God for the family, and God is first for both of us so the only way that this marriage works is in complete submission to the call.

We die daily and consider it a privilege to do so.