A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 7)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing, Motherhood | Tags: ,

Because I’d never had an ultrasound, I didn’t know the gender of any of the children I aborted, so don’t ask me how I knew this; I can’t tell you. But somehow I knew in my heart that the voice I had just heard belonged to my son. He would have been my firstborn.

Now, on the beach, I understood why God had wanted me to hear the radio broadcast of “Tilly,” and why he had spoken to me in the voice of my unborn child for the second time. He had already forgiven me, but he wanted to begin a healing process in me. I remember hearing a preacher say once that God does things in the heavenly realm that there are no earthly words to describe. I believe that with God, all things are possible. Whatever it takes for you to be healed, that’s what he will do for you. That’s what it took for me. I needed to hear that voice. Needed that reassurance.

God knew I could never have taken all the guilt and grief at once. So he restored me bit by bit, patched my broken spirit piece by piece. I did not get up from that experience energized and with a burning zeal to speak to women about abortion. In fact, over time, I almost forgot what God had shown me that day. Yet, I always remembered hearing that voice, and I remembered it as a healing time, a moment when God, in his infinite grace and mercy, put a Band-Aid on my bleeding soul.

After my hour alone on the beach, I was able to pull myself together. I got up, brushed myself off, and walked back to where Bobbi and the kids were soaking up the sun. I had lost the exuberance with which we had started the trip, but I was functional again.

Yet, it would be another five years before I would fully grieve for the loss of my children. And that would be the third and final time I heard my son’s voice….

…I heard Adam’s voice for a final time. “We’re waiting here for you, Mommy, and one day you’ll be here too, and we’ll spend forever together.” The voice was very comforting, and I knew I wasn’t crazy. The inaudible voice was really God speaking to my spirit; I heard it as a child’s voice—my son’s voice—because that was what I needed for my healing. God had prepared me for this moment by letting me hear that voice years earlier.

A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 6)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing, Lori's House | Tags: ,

I had rented a beautiful little cabin in the mountains and really enjoyed the solitude it afforded. One night I couldn’t sleep. So I got up and turned on the television. I flipped through the channels until I found a Christian program. It was The 700 Club. Pat Robertson was talking about abortion. The topic made me a little uneasy, but I didn’t change the station.

That night The 700 Club aired a video called The Silent Scream. This pro-life documentary was narrated by Dr. Bernard Nathanson, a former abortionist, and included live film footage of a suction abortion. For the first time I saw pictures of exactly what I had done. I was horrified, but I could not tear my eyes away from the screen.

“We are now looking at a sector scan of a real-time ultrasound imaging of a twelve-week, unborn child,” Dr. Nathanson said in his professorial voice.2Then he pointed out the child’s head and hand, the ribs and the spine. Twelve weeks. I had been a good sixteen weeks for one of my abortions, I remembered.

“The heart is beating at the rate of approximately 140 beats a minute. And we can see the child moving rather serenely in the uterus.”3The black-and-white images were grainy, but there was no mistaking the perfectly shaped fetus. I began to feel sick to my stomach. Ultrasound was not available when I had my abortions. If I had seen pictures like this . . .

“You will note as the suction tip, which is now over here, moves towards the child, the child will rear away from it and undergo much more violent and much more agitated movements . . . The child has now moved back to the profile view and the suction tip is flashing across the screen. The child’s mouth is now open . . . but this suction tip which you can see moving violently back and forth on the bottom of the screen is the lethal instrument which will ultimately tear apart and destroy the child.”

When I saw that baby, with its mouth open in a silent scream, pushing against the walls of its mother’s womb, my world completely shattered. I fell out of my chair and onto the hardwood floor, crying hysterically. The full fury of my sin, which I had stuffed so deep inside of me, erupted in such searing pain that I didn’t know if I could live through it—wasn’t sure I wanted to live through it. I lay on the floor and sobbed until I heaved.

And that’s when I heard the voice.

“Mommy, everything’s okay. We love you.”

That’s all. Just a few words uttered in a little boy’s voice. A voice so sweet and pure that it melted my heart.

A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 5)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing, Lori's House

When I could bear my thoughts no longer, I felt the comforting presence of the Holy Spirit wrap around me like a soft cashmere shawl. I watched the waves racing each other to the shore, and suddenly I saw before me an ocean of women— millions of women, stretching all the way to the horizon— and I was speaking to them about abortion. The “still, small voice” of God’s Spirit spoke to my mind in that moment: One day I will place you on a platform where you will speak to these women.

“But I murdered my children,” I whispered. “I gave them up for a man who ruined my life.” I choked back a wail.

Tell the women that. I will give you the platform.

I stared at the ocean. The multitudes of women were gone. I could no longer see their faces.

“Mommy, we love you.” The lilting voice drifted over the waves. My heart skipped a beat.

“We’re with Jesus. And you’ll be with us one day, Mommy. But now you must go and do what the Master says.”

I knew that voice was telling me that I had to fulfill my calling— whatever it was that God had put me on this earth to do. I also knew that the child’s voice was not a figment of my imagination, even though I had listened to a little girl’s voice saying something similar on the radio just moments before. This was a little boy’s voice . . . and it was not the first time I had heard it.

That voice was familiar because I had heard it about a year earlier, before I had ever walked the aisle at church and committed my life to Christ. It was during that “beginning of the end” time when I was living in Flagstaff, not long after I had that final “interlude” with my ex-husband, Jesse.

A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 4)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing, Lori's House | Tags: , ,

Sunglasses could not hide the tears streaming down my face, and I was glad the beach was not crowded that day. I walked toward the water, oblivious to the warm ocean breeze or the strident call of the seagulls. My shoulders slumped under the weight of the reality that now settled on me. Dear God, what have I done? My feet were leaden, my legs would no longer hold me. I sank to my knees in the hot sand, completely devastated. I murdered my children! READ MORE →

A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 3)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing, Lori's House | Tags: , ,

Babies? I had steeled myself not to think of them that way. Planned Parenthood had said they were blobs of tissue. I knew better, of course—at least on some level. But that’s the only way I could live with myself, to think of them as “problem pregnancies,” the flotsam and jetsam of an untimely conception, not as babies.

Heaven? Until that moment, I had vaguely thought of them as formless blobs out there in the universe somewhere. Were they really babies, really in heaven, as Melissa had just said? READ MORE →

A Little Boy’s Voice (Pt. 2)

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Lori's House | Tags: , ,

The broadcast that day by Focus on the Family was called “Tilly.” The skillful blend of voices and music and sound effects captivated me, and I was quickly lost in the story. I identified with the character named Kathy, a depressed woman who has a dream populated with lots of children. She discovers something different about these children: they have no names and no parents, and they don’t know where they came from. The ethereal background music clued the listener that these children were actually in heaven. I gripped the steering wheel tightly as I tried to keep my emotions in check.

Children in heaven with no names and no parents. A woman who is depressed and doesn’t know what is wrong. Dear God, I know what’s wrong with her; I’ve been in her shoes. READ MORE →

My Testimony

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Lori's House | Tags: , ,

We are very, very close to the Grand Opening of “Lori’s House” so I wanted to share my testimony again so that newcomers can understand just how much this means to me.

I was just 17 years old when I had my first abortion, and just 21 when the last of 5 consecutive abortions left me unable to ever have a child.

I realize that not many of you have heard my entire testimony which I’ve recorded in my book, “More Than I Could Ever Ask.”  So, I feel like this is the perfect time to share with you the details of my life which Jesus redeemed with His precious Blood so that I can give others hope and spare them the grief and pain of abortion, and save the lives of the innocent.

I hope you are encouraged as you read Part one of this seven part series.

Love,

Lori-Blue-Pen-Transparent

“A Little Boy’s Voice” (Pt. 1)

I fiddled with the knobs on the car radio as the kids chattered in the backseat. I had driven from Phoenix to Los Angeles to see Bobbi, and now the two of us were taking her daughter, Nikki, and her nephew Jason to the beach. It was a beautiful late summer day, blazing hot, near the end of August 1989.

Without being too obvious about it, I was looking for a Christian radio station. I figured Bobbi would want to listen to our usual rock music, so I reached for the dial first. Following my commitment to Christ five months earlier, I did not want to have anything to do with my former lifestyle, including the music.

A little girl’s voice cut through the static on the radio. She was saying something about Jesus. Great! A Christian children’s program, I thought smugly. This is perfect. I smiled and tapped my fingers against the steering wheel as the background music faded out and the dialogue started again.

As a new Christian I very much wanted to be a good influence on Bobbi and her family. After all, I had been responsible for leading her down the wrong path, introducing her to drugs and encouraging her toward promiscuity. And when Bobbi had wanted to straighten out her life and serve God two years earlier, I had been the one who kept drawing her back into the destructive party lifestyle. Now the tables were turned: I was on fire for God, and she was still trying to get me to snort crystal with her, tempting me with worn-out promises of a new and better high. For the first time in almost two decades, though, I wasn’t buying it.

Bobbi was as close to me as any blood relative could be—and with all my heart I wanted to help her find the same joy I had found when I gave my life to Jesus. I breathed a silent prayer of gratitude to God for finding a Christian children’s program. What a great ministry tool, I told myself. Bobbi will have to listen to it for the kids’ sake. But as we cruised down the Pacific Coast Highway listening to the radio, I discovered the audio drama was not a children’s program at all; instead it was directed squarely at me.

To be continued….

Hearing from God in the Last Days

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Last Days, Teaching | Tags:

We’ve been talking on the show lately about the importance of hearing from God about everything!  In the times we are living in, it’s not just a nice thing, it’s a necessary thing to hear from God and know what He is saying.

The primary way we can hear from God is reading His Word, of course.  But, there are other ways that God communicates to His people that are very Biblical as well.  God says in Joel 2:28 and again in Acts 2:17 that in the Last Days, He will pour out His Spirit on men and women alike, and they will have dreams and they will see visions.

Another way God communicates with His people is by speaking directly into their spirit.  The Bible says that God is spirit and we are made in His image.  That means we are a spirit too, living in an earthly body (for the time being.)  The idea of God speaking to us directly should not be foreign to us.

Our family has certainly experienced the above scriptures vividly, and we continue to experience dreams and visions almost daily.  There were three of us; Nena, myself and Jim who recently had dreams of an impending catastrophic disaster.  We don’t take them lightly.  We take them as a warning to prepare for what is coming.

Early in my Christian journey, I was walking along the beach one day and God started to speak to me about my future ministry.  He told me that one day I would speak to wave after wave (representing million of people) about abortion.  At the time, I didn’t know how this could possibly happen.  But, when God brought Jim and I together and I began to speak at conferences across the nation and talk to television audiences that spanned the globe, I recalled that vision.

I just want to encourage each of you that God will give you dreams and visions, and He will speak to you directly when you believe and trust that He can.  Jeremiah 33:3 NLT says to “Ask me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.”

I don’t know about you, but I need to hear from God on a daily basis for everything!  I believe He can and will show us every step to take and every move to make in the Last Days.

Call on God today.  He is there.  He is willing.  He will do it!

Bearing One Another’s Burdens

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion, Healing | Tags: , ,

It’s a sad truth that there are many, many women sitting in our pews today that have been through the trauma of abortion and still carry the emotional and spiritual scars around with them.  It has troubled me that the reason they don’t talk about it and receive ministry for it, is that: No. 1 they are ashamed, and No. 2 they are afraid they will be judged by other church people.

This shouldn’t be, but it is.

When I told my story about my past abortions for the first time at Phoenix First Assembly of God, I was afraid too.  I thought that perhaps others would judge me and not want anything to do with me because of my past.  But, I couldn’t have been more wrong.  I didn’t find judgment that day when I gave my testimony, I found forgiveness and acceptance.

On a show recently, Jim said that we ought to bear one another’s burdens.  This comes from Galations 6:2  “Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ.”  NLT

Nowhere have I heard this scripture explained better than in the commentary by Barnes:

“The law of Christ would not allow us to reproach the offender, or to taunt him, or to rejoice in his fall. We should help him to take up his load of infirmities, and sustain him by our counsels, our exhortations, and our prayers. Christians, conscious of their infirmities, have a right to the sympathy and the prayers of their brethren. They should not be cast off to a cold and heartless world; a world rejoicing over their fall, and ready to brand them as hypocrites. They should be pressed to the warm bosom of brotherly kindness; and prayer should be made to ascend without ceasing around an erring and a fallen brother. Is this the case in regard to all who bear the Christian name?”

If you need ministry because of past abortions, it’s time to get your healing.  You then, can help others who need healing and restoration.

Church, it’s time to rally around those who have been wounded and scarred by abortion.  It’s time to recognize that this is a widespread problem and those inside the Church are just as likely to have had an abortion as those outside.

It’s time to fulfill the law of Christ by helping our sisters (and brothers) bear this huge burden.

When Lori’s House is finished, we will minister to post-abortive women (and men).  Please keep us in your prayers.

Love,

Lori

Abortion and Spiritual Warfare

By Lori Bakker | | Filed in Abortion | Tags: , ,

The warfare surrounding abortion is horrendous!  Whenever you try to do something in the area of saving lives, the spiritual warfare you will have to battle through is just horrendous!  I’ve know this for years, because I’ve worked with all the issues surrounding abortion.  But now, trying to build Lori’s House in these last days is even worse than all the previous years of warfare.

If you don’t think there really is a spiritual battle going on in the heavens over killing babies, just get involved in a project that tries to save these innocent little lives and see how ferocious the backlash is.

Jim and I are determined to build Lori’s House, but we have been delayed by a small vocal minority.  Isn’t that the way this thing (abortion) got started in the first place?  When the majority of people let the vocal minority rule in this country, we had things like abortion legalized, prayer taken out of schools, and the Ten Commandments removed from public buildings instituted.  If good people, God’s people, don’t stand up and do something, evil will prevail.

I’ve said for a long time now that I don’t understand how all that happened.  I don’t get it, I really don’t.  How can people be silent when being silent means our country is taken over by antichrist spirits?  They are against Christ – they are against anything to do with the commandments of Christ.

John Kilpatrick was recently on our show and Jim asked him if the warfare surrounding the Brownsville revival had been fierce.  John replied that it had been fierce, but he believed that the blessing from the revival (hundreds of thousands saved) was in direct proportion to the spiritual warfare.  Little warfare = little blessing.  Fierce warfare =  manifold blessings!

I know that to be true from the years of working in the ministry.  And since it’s true, Jim and I and everyone who has had a hand (and will have a hand) in working towards building Lori’s House, has huge blessings ahead!

Let’s not be quiet this time.  We have only a short time to work before we see the Lord coming again.  Some people say that if the Lord is coming soon, why do anything like build Lori’s House to save babies?  Why not just wait for the Lord to straighten everything out?  As Jim said recently, “all we can do is our part – all we can do is save a few – but if every church saved a few – millions could be saved.”

The Bible bears out that killing babies is one major reason societies were judged by God and eventually destroyed.  Add to that, abortion is a multi-million dollar business and it’s all about the love of money.  Since this country led the world in legalizing abortion, the blood of the innocent is on our hands!  Unless we do all we can to reverse this travesty, God will judge us too!

In contrast, if the churches will start saving babies, I believe God will bring revival to this country.  “IF MY PEOPLE…” will humble themselves and pray and seek my face, and TURN FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS, then I will hear from heaven and HEAL THEIR LAND.

If we do something, God will do something.  It doesn’t take the whole nation to repent for God to do something.  IF MY PEOPLE…

This is not the time to shrink back from the warfare surrounding the killing of innocent babies.  It’s time to gird ourselves for battle and fight through all the opposition.  When we get to heaven and the fire of God burns up all the dross in our lives, this is one effort that will remain as something of value.

 

Love,

Lori