“Talking Heart to Heart”

When Jim and I were dating, we often talked on the phone into the night about everything; sharing personal stories, learning all about each other as sweethearts do at the beginning of a relationship.  He described the emotional devastation he had gone through in prison, and I started opening up about my past.  He never pushed me to reveal anything I didn’t want to, never even asked me that many questions.  It was months later, for example, before Jim ever knew my ex-husband’s first name.  What Jim really wanted to get was a glimpse of my heart—to know the real me—and what a priceless gift that was.

One of the things I began to talk about was the crushing loss of my dream of motherhood.  “Ever since I can remember,” I told Jim, “All I wanted to be was a mommy.  In my childhood photographs, I’m always carrying a baby doll—sometimes one under each arm.”

“I can picture that,” Jim said.  “I’ve seen you with kids.  You’re so nurturing.”

“I know that nurturing was born into me.  It was a gift of God, a gift meant to be used for my children.”

“You never had any children after your abortions?”

“No, I couldn’t.”

I acknowledged that my abortions had eventually robbed me of the opportunity to ever bear children, and I told Jim the story of my hysterectomy at the age of twenty-two. . .

Motherhood – Part 2
Motherhood – Part 3
Motherhood – Part 4
Motherhood – Part 5
Motherhood – Part 6
Motherhood – Part 7