Because I’d never had an ultrasound, I didn’t know the gender of any of the children I aborted, so don’t ask me how I knew this; I can’t tell you. But somehow I knew in my heart that the voice I had just heard belonged to my son. He would have been my firstborn.
Now, on the beach, I understood why God had wanted me to hear the radio broadcast of “Tilly,” and why he had spoken to me in the voice of my unborn child for the second time. He had already forgiven me, but he wanted to begin a healing process in me.
I remember hearing a preacher say once that God does things in the heavenly realm that there are no earthly words to describe. I believe that with God, all things are possible. Whatever it takes for you to be healed, that’s what he will do for you. That’s what it took for me. I needed to hear that voice. Needed that reassurance.
God knew I could never have taken all the guilt and grief at once. So he restored me bit by bit, patched my broken spirit piece by piece. I did not get up from that experience energized and with a burning zeal to speak to women about abortion. In fact, over time, I almost forgot what God had shown me that day. Yet, I always remembered hearing that voice, and I remembered it as a healing time, a moment when God, in his infinite grace and mercy, put a Band-Aid on my bleeding soul.
After my hour alone on the beach, I was able to pull myself together. I got up, brushed myself off, and walked back to where Bobbi and the kids were soaking up the sun. I had lost the exuberance with which we had started the trip, but I was functional again.
Yet, it would be another five years before I would fully grieve for the loss of my children. And that would be the third and final time I heard my son’s voice….
…I heard Adam’s voice for a final time. “We’re waiting here for you, Mommy, and one day you’ll be here too, and we’ll spend forever together.” The voice was very comforting, and I knew I wasn’t crazy. The inaudible voice was really God speaking to my spirit; I heard it as a child’s voice—my son’s voice—because that was what I needed for my healing. God had prepared me for this moment by letting me hear that voice years earlier.
This concludes this series about my life and the abortions in my past. Whenever I share my story, I inevitably have several women report that they, too, had a similar background and after reading my testimony, they finally feel that they’re not alone.
Let me assure you, you are not alone. One in four women today have had an abortion, or multiple abortions. Abortion is an epidemic and it leaves an incredible scar on the lives of those it touches.
In the next few blogs, I will be sharing about the healing process and how it was carried out in my life. My hope is that there will be someone who can receive their healing as well from hearing about mine, though healing comes at different times and in different ways as only God can orchestrate.
If you have abortion in your background, I want to assure you that there is healing, and there is forgiveness, though the hardest thing about it is forgiving yourself. It was for me. But our Heavenly Father cannot and does not hold sin against you when you ask Him for forgiveness – even abortion.
There is freedom. Hold on to your faith and keep reading as we go on this journey together through the healing process.
Love,
Thank you for sharing your story Lori. I also have had abortions. When I had my oldest son I had a terrible time bonding with my son because of what I had done. Basically, the “choice” of abortion causes you to reject your own child and as a result bonding with my child was very difficult. After the birth of my third child, a girl. I was so grieved over the 2 abortions I had. I just knew in my spirit that the first one was a boy & the second a girl. I do not know how I know I just knew. In 1988 my precious grandmother had passed on to glory. I began to pray that God would send my grandmother to my daughter in heaven. I so longed that she & my son would have family with them. One night I had a vision of a little girl with a hat rimmed in flowers. She said to me “thank you for sending grandma to me”. It has brought me peace ever since.
Lori, I truly believe that the Lord gives voice to our unborn children. I have never had an abortion, but I lost one of my twins in utero. I heard her voice say, Don’t cry mommy, I just wasn’t ready to be born yet. I will wait for you with Jesus”…Years later, my daughter that was her twin was playing in the yard and she comes up to me and says, “Mommy, Alexis is in heaven with Jesus and she says she misses us.” She never knew she was a twin, she was too young into understand, yet the Lord laid that information on her heart in a way that she was able to comprehend it..so much better than I could have ever explained in to her. Thank you for sharing your story it is bringing comfort so many hurting souls..
What a precious story Lynn. The beauty and innocence of a child, makes sense… TOTAL SENSE… why God would include this precious story in the Book of Mark & Luke: The Little Children and Jesus:
15 People were also bringing babies to Jesus for him to place his hands on them. When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. 16 But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. 17 Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
I LOVE THE STORY OF YOUR PRECIOUS TWINS! Such encouragement that God has these little ones with Him and let’s us know! Thank you so much for sharing!
Loving it all here in California! Thanks Lynn!
Your testimony; your story; your reality; & your journey has been one Lori that has carved and paved the way for many! I am praying with you that 1000 or 100 or 10 or just 1 woman’s life will be touched and where ever she is in “her” journey or process she will see the light through you, your story and your journey that may look more like hers than anyone will or could ever imagine.
Hallelujah… I stand with you in prayer and the power of the Holy Spirit to draw hurting broken women to your ministry! Glory… ALL GLORY to God! Margaret Mead once said:
“Never believe that a few caring people can’t change the world, for indeed, that is all who ever have”
Blessings, Hugs and much love from California!
Love, Kathlene