Babies? I had steeled myself not to think of them that way. Planned Parenthood had said they were blobs of tissue. I knew better, of course—at least on some level. But that’s the only way I could live with myself, to think of them as “problem pregnancies,” the flotsam and jetsam of an untimely conception, not as babies.
Heaven? Until that moment, I had vaguely thought of them as formless blobs out there in the universe somewhere. Were they really babies, really in heaven, as Melissa had just said?
“When my daughter was eighteen months old,” Melissa continued, “she had a life-threatening experience. Actually, she died. Then they brought her back. Later, when she was old enough to talk, she told us about seeing Jesus during that time. She said she had seen Jesus with lots of children, and they were very happy.” I was spellbound.
“So that’s how I know your children are in heaven with Jesus,” she said. And then she hugged me as I grappled, for the first time, with the reality that I had aborted five children, not blobs. And they were in heaven, not floating around in space somewhere. They were real—real beings, real . . . real babies.
That conversation with Melissa Smith came back to me as I listened to “Tilly” and struggled to maintain my composure. On the radio, Kathy was crying and asking the daughter she had aborted to forgive her.
“Don’t cry, Mommy. It’s all right,” a little girl’s voice replied. The road blurred in front of me as I tried to blink away the tears. “I forgive you. I love you . . . Jesus forgave you a long time ago . . . I don’t hurt anymore.”I bit my lip to stifle a sob and wondered if I would have to pull over and let Bobbi drive.
The broadcast ended and I managed to hold the car steady, but by the time we arrived at Huntington Beach, I was white-knuckled and shaken to the core.
I pulled into the parking lot and stationed the car under the swaying palm trees. Ordinarily I’m the fussbudget who gets everything unloaded and set up and arranged just so. But not that day; I could barely speak.
“I, uh, have to go for a walk,” I stammered as Bobbi started to retrieve our beach gear from the car.
“Okay,” she said, shooting me a surprised but sympathetic look. She busied herself with the kids as I stumbled toward the water. I thought I would take a stroll on the concrete pier, the longest on the California coast, but I never made it that far.
Lori, thank you from my heart…
TODAY IS FATHERS DAY…OF ALL DAYS,,,THIS IS THE DAY TO REMEMBER OUR HEAVENLY FATHER”GOD THE FATHER”HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR ALL LIFE BEING BORN ON EARTH.IT IS HE THAT PLACES LIFE IN OUR BLOOD,THAT IS PASSED ON TO SEED AFTER IT’S OWN KIND.WHAT EXCUSE IS GREAT ENOUGH TO DESTROY THE LIFE THAT GOD GIVES TO THE LIVING???WE KILL FOR FOOD,,WE KILL TO SAVE LIFE,,WE KILL TO DEFEND OUR LIFE,,THERE IS DEATH THAT WE ALL MUST FACE…CHOICES MUST BE MADE….A HUMAN HAS A SOUL,NO PLANT OR ANIMAL WAS HONORED THAT MUCH BY GOD…MAKE THIS FATHERS DAY SPECIAL..LET GOD KNOW HOW MUCH WE AS HUMANS, APPRECIATE HIS GIFT OF HUMAN LIFE.WE ARE THAT SPECIAL TO HIM….LET US BE GOD’S CHILDREN AND MAKE HIS FATHERS DAY SPECIAL…LOVE GOD ENOUGH TO HONOR HIM WITH OBEDIENCE TO HIS WILL.ONLY GOD,,,KNOWS THE HURT,, WHEN HIS GIFT OF LIFE IS REJECTED AND KILLED…THE ANSWER TO MANY PRAYERS,,,WERE ABORTED BEFORE THEY HAD THE CHANCE TO MANIFEST…..WE ARE BLESSED TO BE ALIVE THIS FATHERS DAY…THANK YOU HEAVENLY FATHER,,HAVE A BLESSED FATHERS DAY…IN JESUS NAME.LOVE,YOUR SON.
Lori, Please contact a ministry in Tennessee called Deeper Still! They are helping many women and even men with post abortion trauma. They need your prayers and your support! Mike
Thank you for your recent blog. Many years ago I was raising my younger sister who was 17 at the time. Our mother had abandoned us for an abusive man!! She (my sister) became pregnant and panicking, I told her to get an abortion. She waited till she was 16 weeks along, and had to drive across state lines to get it done. All’s I could think of, in my self absorbed 20 year old mind, was “I’m raising one kid, I don’t want to raise a baby too”. So she had the abortion, and while in the recovery room overheard a nurse talking to another nurse that my sister had been carrying twin boys. It was devasting to her. I have come before the Lord, and asked his forgiveness and I know He forgives me. But this “secret” is one my sister and I never discuss, it’s like it never happened. In fact, years later when she married and finally conceived (she had two miscarriages before she conceived) my sister acted like she’d never experienced a pregnancy before! Too painful to think about I guess.
You are doing such a good service Lori. I commend you and I pray for your ministry to grow and prosper. My own sons, 19 and 21, know of 2 girls in their circle who have gotten pregnant at 17, and kept their babies. Teen pregnancy is epidemic today. I think many kids are from broken homes, are searching for love, don’t know God, and think a baby will love them and they will feel complete. God bless you Lori. I feel we will meet someday. Lord willing. Stephanie